To Be Single and Christian

Towards the end of January, I was privileged to join a group of young single and Christian adults as we walked through the topic of singleness in the Christian world. As the month of love ends, I can’t help but think about my journey as a single Christian woman and the points given during the singleness summit.

The first question asked, what was so great about being single? As young Christian adults, we can never see the essence of being single. We often view it as a punishment from God. We often ask, is there anything good about being single? It is a paramount time for us as it is a place of self-discovery. It is an opportunity to work on ourselves and not fit into someone’s idea. One can learn about oneself, what one likes, and what one would like to see in one partner. It is crucial to be self-aware: what makes me happy or sad and understand who I am. Most importantly, who am I in Christ? Singleness helps us to be conscious of our relationship with our savior and his with ours.

The next question is, how long should I take before I know I am ready? In the story of Adam in Genesis 2:15, God took Adam and placed him in the Garden of Eden. There he was to work it and take care of it. We see Adam and God had a relationship as creator and creation. Therefore, to know we are ready, we need to have a relationship with God. We recognize him as our creator and our creation and live under his guidance. The next thing God did was to give Adam purpose. Adam was to work in the garden and take care of it. In our case, we have to be doing something and live in our purpose. Do you say you don’t know your purpose? Well, it is time to discover it, what do you like? What comes naturally for you? What spiritual gifting do you have? Start there, and God will guide you with the rest. The last thing Adam had was he was under the authority of God. God is the authority of everyone. We all have the word of God; it shows us how we should walk and behave. We are held accountable by the word. We submit to the body of Christ and our local church that will always check us when we stray. Having identified this, we have a sense of readiness.

How do we avoid ‘situationships’? ‘Situationship’ is a slang word used to try and explain the confusing state of whether someone is dating or not dating. It is where a girl and a boy are together but not really together. One is not able to define what is going on. It happens when both parties lack boundaries. It occurs over time when there is exclusive and consistent spending with the opposite sex and broken boundaries. There are five levels of conversations: the bio date level, where you get basic information on a person. The general personal experience level, the dreams and aspiration level, the deep/emotional fears level, and finally, the deep hurts/ painful situation level. When the conversation reaches the dreams and aspirations stage, know you are treading a dangerous path. Be conscious of how the conversation goes from this point. How do you avoid this type of situation as a single Christian? Guard yourself always, ask for clarity from your partner or the person you’re speaking to, and ask the Holy Spirit for discernment and wisdom.

A time will come when you are no longer single. How will you know that you have the right partner? You have to remember that one is not a person; it is an office. Ask yourself what qualities you want the office bearer to hold. How would you like your office set up, and does that person fit in the office? You have to rely on scripture to understand the principles of marriage with the guidelines of scripture. Your worth is not in marriage but in God. Silence the negative emotions and embrace the positives. Date with a purpose, as a way that brings glory to God and his kingdom. Lastly, all answers to life are in God; look to him.